Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood
by Country Western Musicians
and Their Translated "Country" Definitions

DIMINISHED FIFTH - an empty bottle of Jack Daniels
PERFECT FIFTH - a full bottle of Jack Daniels
RITARD - there's one in every family
RELATIVE MAJOR - an uncle in the marine corps
RELATIVE MINOR - a girl friend
BIG BAND - when the bar pays enough to bring in two banjo players
PIANISSIMO - "refill this beer bottle"
REPEAT - what they do until they just expel you
TREBLE - women ain't nothin' but
BASS - the things you run aroun in softball
PORTAMENTO - a foreign country you always wanted to see
CONDUCTOR - the man who punches your ticket to Birmingham
ARPEGGIO - "ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose?"
TEMPO - good choice for a used car
A 440 - the highway that runs around Nashville
TRANSPOSITIONS - men who wear dresses
CUT TIME - parole
ORDER OF SHARPS - what a wimp gets at a bar
PASSING TONE - frequently heard near the baked beans at barbeques
MIDDLE C - the only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low
PERFECT PITCH - the smooth coating on a freshly paved road
TUBA - a compound word: "hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryl Cream"
CADENZA - that ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes
WHOLE NOTE - what's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year
CLEF - what you try never to fall off of
BASS CLEF - where you wind up if you do fall off
ALTOS - not to be confused with "Tom's toes", "Bubba's toes", or "Do-ri-toes"
MINOR THIRD - your approximate age and grade at the completion of formal schooling
MELODIC MINOR - Loretta Lynn's singing son
12-TONE SCALE - the thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer with
QUARTER TONE - what most standard pickups can haul
SONATA - what you get with a bad cold or hay fever
CLARINET - name used on your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo
CELLO - the proper way to answer the phone
BASSOON - typical response when asked what you hoped to catch
FRENCH HORN - your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at 4 am
CYMBAL - what they use on deer crossing signs so you know what to sight in you pistol with
BOSSA NOVA - the car your forman drives
TIME SIGNATURE - what you need from you boss if you forget to clock in First
INVERSION - grandpa's battle group at Normandy
STACCATO - how you did all the ceilings in you mobile home Major
SCALE - what you say after chasing wild game up a mountain, "Damn! That was a major scale!"
AEOLIAN MODE - how you like Ma's apple pie
BACH CHORALE - the place behind the barn where you keep the horses

Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood by Country Western Musicians and Their Translated "Country" Definitions

Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood
by Country Western Musicians
and Their Translated "Country" Definitions